Just Jump!

My five year old stood at the edge of the pool and stared into it’s crystal waters.  His little skinny legs supporting a shivering mass of anxiety.  He was shivering, I knew, because he was cold.  But I could also sense his fear.  What kind of mother am I? I screamed to myself.  I just wanted to gather up his little body, encase him in a really big beach towel, and rock him in my lap.  That urge was so strong.  The swim instructor caught sight of me and told my son to jump.  “Show Mommy how you can jump into the pool, don’t worry, I’ll hold you…” and she pointed to me.  He stood up and took the jumping stance.  He glanced back at me… I held my breath… jump Baby I thought to myself… then he sat down and refused to jump.  Even though the instructor promised that she would hold him… even though she was only a couple of feet away from him, he still refused to jump.

The lives that we lead are often like that.  Standing on the precipice of the ultimate decision there is a clarity more palpable than those waters my son was going to jump in.  We know that decision will somehow change our lives, but like my son, the fear of the unknown paralyzes us.  Sometimes we’re not even fully paralyzed, we just want to sit in the spot that we have stopped and plant ourselves there.  We don’t want to move on… we don’t want to push past that fear.  But many of us are armed with a knowledge my five-year old hasn’t yet been able to learn.  That knowledge is that if we do push past the fear, there is something so amazing that will happen in our lives… the beauty of which is unfathomable.   If we just jump, just throw our head back and jump and trust that we have enough fortitude and discipline to get us to the next second after the jump… only good can come of it.  What is that good? You ask… well it is the fact that we just changed our destiny.  We executed a power over our lives that ONLY comes when we push past the fear and the ball of anxiety that usually accompanies fear and let our desire of a newer destiny drive our decision… to jump!  My favorite quote of all time by Goethe speaks to this act, he wrote:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

Just Jump!

When I was about 15, my parents decided that it would be a good time to send me to boarding school.

My parents were concerned with the people who were starting to surround me.

I had skipped two grades, I was an avid reader by the time I was five… and they had instilled in the four kids a politeness that could only be rivaled by the Von Trapp children as they responded to the whistle.

Yet, I was slipping away.  By the time I had reached sophomore year – I was cutting classes.  Hanging out in the back of the school playing hackey sack with “Da BOYZ”.  A group of very Italian-American boys and girls that I had somehow aligned myself with.  It was funny though – even within that small circle of friends I stood out like a sore thumb.  To my credit, I understood Italian, ate canollis and zeppoles made with secret recipes from the “old Country”, and would yell “Maddone” whenever I couldn’t make someone “capiche”.

The teachers didn’t let up on me.  I mean, to their credit… they would come outside and move their way through the haze of smoke and high 1980’s hair and pretty much every day, I would hear “Melisa Emeghebo!  Get your butt in class… “They would bypass all the students and make a beeline for me.

My parents must have had them on payroll.

But seriously, I think they knew that I was not supposed to be there.  The straw that broke the camel’s back for them when my best friend… someone whom I knew from 1^st grade got addicted to cocaine (at the age of 13)…

I did not do drugs… but it was enough to scare my parents.

In addition, my guidance counselor called my parents into his office and told them “you should remove Melisa from Regents and AP classes – it is a waste of your energy and her time – you should put her into the regular classes so that she could be with her friends…”

In their good… and almost magical judgment my parents decided that the best way to preserve what they saw as a child who had a lot of potential was ::drumroll please:: to send her to boarding school in England.

I had NEVER been away from my family.  I had no family in England.  I just knew that my parents were making the biggest mistake of my life.  The first two months that I was there were the hardest two months that I have ever had… even to this day.  By the time I got to half-term… I had gotten culture shock so bad that I landed in the infirmary.  I stopped eating… and caught pneumonia… in both lungs.

My parents came to visit with my siblings and up until that point… I was not doing well academically.  I felt that I didn’t belong there.  I was the only American in the whole school.  I was the only black girl.  I didn’t belong there.

The headmistress called my parents in to her office alone and I sat outside not caring.  I wanted to go home anyway.

Then she called ME in to her office to join the conversation and all I heard was blah blah blah blah… blah blah blah…

But in the midst of that… a phrase stood out that really changed the course of my life at that point.  She told my parents that “they were wasting their money, my energy… and everyone’s time – they needed to take Melisa back home with them… this week”.

In that moment – something was triggered.  I was fifteen, but an almost existential cloud descended on me and I realized that it all came down to commitment.

Yes, the whole process of leaving my country may seem absurd…

yes, the whole process of re-acclimating myself to a whole new system of education may seem like nothing more than futility –

BUT… in that moment of clarity… I realized that I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT LAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS ANTHROPOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT.

I was intrigued by the adventure… the adventure of life… LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE and I was intoxicated with the thought …

no no no… the knowledge that I was just about to not only prove everyone wrong… but I was going to make them ALL eat their words… the guidance counselor, the headmistress, the parents of some of those Italian kids who called me ugly and ignorant, that elementary school teacher who relentlessly picked on me until I ran out of the classroom and hid in the bathroom crying for hours… the priest who held up my 10 year old hands to the entire congregation during First Friday and told the whole congregation that the color of my hands meant that I was unclean and dirty and he would absolutely NOT put the body of Christ in dirty hand or on an unclean tongue…  ALL OF THEM…

My eyes narrowed as the headmistress spoke and up until then I had been silent.  She turned to me and said with a smile… as if she was my co-conspirator “so what do you think Melisa?”  “You can go home with your parents right now.”

My life began at that moment… I hesitated for about two seconds… then I just jumped.  I declared to the headmistress in the presence of my parents… that NO… I was not going home… I was instead, going to commit to being the top of the class.  It was a bold declaration to make… being the top of the class.

Miss headmistress’ smile quickly evaporated.  POOF!  Just like that!

I knew I was in for it.  But I also knew that I had what it took… I was just going to “do ME.”  And in that moment… my life changed.  I had just taken the road less traveled.  I was embarking on an adventure… the same adventure that all of you sitting in this audience have an opportunity to participate in.

I was committing to playing an active role in my own life.  The shackles were off, and I felt liberated.  When I left that small school in Oxford, UK… I had not only surprised the faculty… but I surprised myself.

I took the OxBridge Advanced Level Literature exam and ended up with one of the highest marks in the class.

That year… I just jumped… headfirst into a life that I honestly only had imagined up until that point.

I knew that I had it in me…

But I never knew how to access that type of commitment, self-discipline, and passion.  I had stepped into my power.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

Sometimes Good… Sometimes Bad…

Whenever I speak with my husband’s grandmother who’s, like, ninety years old and seems surprised to be ninety (It’s almost like she went to sleep at 19 — young and full of vim and vigor — and suddenly woke up today at ninety with the normal bodily aches and pains and slower gait of a woman her age… she’s really surprised and taken aback.  She’s a funny little lady) I ask her “Mommy Mamma (that’s what we call her) how are you?”  She replies “Aaaahhhh Chioma (that’s what she calls me-it’s my middle name)… sometimes good, sometimes bad“.

Sometimes good… Sometimes bad…

I LOVE THAT SHE SAYS THAT… because in essence, that’s the glory of life.  It’s the way of the world.  Sometimes the economy is good, sometimes it’s bad; sometimes the weather is good, sometimes it’s bad; and as people, sometimes our day is good… and sometimes it’s bad.

Here’s a story that I hope will put it all in perspective.

Solomon summoned a wise and enlightened man and asked him to bring balance and serenity in his life at any price. He called his most trusted minister, Benaiah ben Yehoyada and decided to humble him. He said to him, “Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it.””If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty,” replied Benaiah, “I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?”

“It has magic powers,” answered the king. “If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy.” Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of he poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day’s wares on a shabby carpet. “Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?” asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. “Well, my friend,” said Solomon, “have you found what I sent you after?” All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone’s surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, “Here it is, your majesty!” As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words “_Gam zeh ya’avor_” — “This too shall pass.”The wise man offered him a simple gold ring with the inscription “This, too, shall pass,” but the monarch did not understand its meaning. The wise man told the king to wear the ring and whatever happens, good or bad, to touch the ring and read the inscription. This way, he would always be at peace.

In his address to the Wisconsin State Agriculture Society, on Sept. 30, 1859, President Abraham Lincoln said, “It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words, ‘And this, too, shall pass away.’ How much it expresses! How chastened in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depth of affliction!”

I have just sent these quotes to a dear friend of mine who happened to be having a day of “low energy”.  I could totally relate to that since I have been finding myself not only having days of low energy, but also blowing up at the slightest irrational worry, anxiety, or fear.  It’s a dark place to find yourself especially if those little bombs are blowing up at people who really care about your well being.

I am beginning to realise how to “push past the fear” as I have mentioned in a previous post.  I need to REALLY hold on to these quotations and understand (truly understand) that days are going to be sometimes good… sometimes bad. As I hold on to that notion then, and only then, can I look forward to tomorrow with the joy that Maya Angelou describes when she says: “when you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity, happiness… all the good things.”  That’s what tomorrow may bring… peace, love, prosperity, happiness… all the good things.